The Nerves Unending (Or, Burning in the Light of Day)

Rather accidentally, I have taken a third-person approach to life over the last 6 months or so. I have observed my family, my friends, and mostly myself. It has not been very healthy, but this distant approach to my own life and my own thoughts has led me to a conclusion.

We live with exposed nerves. More than that, we live to keep those nerves hidden. Endless, raw nerves, always threatening to expose us for who we really are. In my (accidental) observations, I have been made aware that even in our earnest attempts to present our true selves, we are only exposing what we think other humans can handle. If I trust you, you get an arm's worth of nerves. If you are my life's partner, maybe two arms. But the rest....I will keep the rest to myself. And it wears us out. A life spent hiding is tiresome.

Considering my hidden self has led to a lot of thought about daylight and its relation to our lives, our secrets. Do any of us ever live in the revealing glow of full daylight? Do we really want to? Is it moral, safe, or even possible to live the way we feel we are meant to? Are those feelings placed into our beating hearts by divine intervention, or are they broken human emotions? Sometimes I feel like life is a dark cycle of living in the shadows, where my nerves are hidden, with random moments where my true self rears his ugly head.

It is terrifying to imagine living life in daylight. Everything exposed. Nothing to hide. Nothing to be ashamed of. As long as no one really knows us, they can more easily ignore us. And when we hurt, part of us wants to be ignored. Every time someone notices our pain, we have two choices: give a sanitized version of our broken life, or risk it all with the real story. Our lives can become like the "popcorn news" we see on tv. There is some basic truth there, but all that truly matters is hidden for the benefit of the viewer. In some ways, It seems that protecting others from the mangled mess of our lives is the most gracious and selfless act we will ever know.

Perhaps God keeps us from exposing our fragile nerves to protect us from the backlash of cruel human nature. Are we designed to live in the complete freedom of the daylight, or is it supposed to burn a little?

Did you hear the news today?
I'm not coming home
No
And I wished it all away
I felt so alone
And the darkness crept it's way
Like stars we know will die too soon
There is never any sunrise here
In the shadows of eclipsing moons
Crawling on a tightrope
The bravest thing I have is hope

Daylight, save me
Daylight, save me
Tonight, tonight

Halogen the lights will flicker
Incandescent burning lies
And the silence stands for nothing
Desperate I search the skies
Aching for a spark
Trembling in pitchest dark

Daylight, save me
Daylight, save me
Tonight, tonight

(Brave Saint Saturn, "Daylight.")